A common theme in my life has been a sense of differentness. Different than my family, different than my peers, different than society as a whole. I am learning a lot about this lately and as I get more information and continue on this journey of self discovery, it makes sense in so many ways.

I used to say something along the lines of “I want to be 100% unique, I just don’t want anyone to notice” and it was sort of a joke but it is actually so accurate – the struggle I encountered because I knew I was different. I wasn’t really a part of the family, or the peer group because I was different and that challenged them to really get to know and see me as the “other” I was – which was very rare and very few people have ever really taken the time to do this.

Often the result was this “otherness” led to discomfort for me when others pointed out my differences. Rush, in the song “Subdivisions” sang “Conform or be cast out” which is so very true – but there is immense pressure that comes with conformity when it is inauthentic, or in some cases, even harmful.

I always knew I was “other” but I quickly learned that people don’t like other – it requires work on their part, it challenges them, their beliefs and the entire structure of what they built – especially in a dysfunctional family.

I have been struggling with this, especially in family, for a really long time. I started the literal separation of myself from the family 14 years ago and that level of separation has increased over time.

I am now learning to embrace and accept this otherness in the rest of my life and am striving for authenticity and not compromising or changing who I am or what I believe.

Being an outsider isn’t a bad thing.