The Sensory Dispensary

I know I just posted Marillion the other day but I really have been thinking about the lyrics to this one lately. Such a remarkable song from an equally remarkable album.

Today I write, write, and write some more. It feels a lot like journaling masquerading as a blog post I may or may not ever publish. My brain is really busy though and I’m going in pretty deep, and it’s dark and scary in here, but this is where I keep the really important stuff, tucked away in an old filing cabinet of sorts. It’s dusty and full of cobwebs, I guess it’s been a while.

As I start to scan through these particular memories, I realize there is so much more here than I thought. I write some more, and I open another folder, and repeat the process. Some pieces seem to fit together perfectly while others are stubborn and refuse to connect. Some are obvious, some are encrypted in a code I haven’t been able to break yet.

It’s a tedious process to organize and reconcile all of this stuff but I do see some progress when I really look for it. Some times it is slow and laborious and I get frustrated, and sometimes I get bombarded with so much I can’t process it all. So I think about it, let it brew, and then I write and hopefully I can make some sense of it as it translates from thought to written word.

This is the latter, so much is hitting all at once and becoming clear to me. I have spent years trying to put it all together, to figure myself out, to make sense of my childhood and how it shaped me and my relationship with the world around me. It’s still a long road ahead but for today at least, I feel like I did some moving forward.

And it was morning
And I found myself mourning,
For a childhood that I thought had disappeared
I looked out the window
And I saw a magpie in the rainbow, the rain had gone
I’m not alone, I turned to the mirror
I saw you, the child, that once loved

The child before they broke his heart
Our heart, the heart that I believed was lost

Hey you, surprised? More than surprised
To find the answers to the questions
Were always in your own eyes

Do you realise that you give it on back to her?
But that would only be retraced in all the problems that you ever knew
So untrue
For she’s got to carry on with her life
And you’ve got to carry on with yours

So I see it’s me, I can do anything
And I’m still the child
‘Cos the only thing misplaced was direction
And I found direction
There is no childhood’s end
You are my childhood friend, lead me on

Hey you, you’ve survived. Now you’ve arrived
To be reborn in the shadow of the magpie

Now you realise, that you’ve got to get out of here
You’ve found the leading light of destiny, burning in the ashes of your memory
You want to change the world
You’d resigned yourself to die a broken rebel
But that was looking backward
Now you’ve found the light

You, the child that once loved
The child before they broke his heart
Our heart, the heart that I believed was lost

So it’s me I see, I can do anything.
I’m still the child
‘Cos the only thing misplaced was direction
And I found direction
There is no childhood’s end
I am your childhood friend, lead me on