I guess I am at the age in my life where my musical heroes are just going to die. We’ve lost so many already and I am so not prepared for this. Each takes away a part of me, and even though their music and art remains, it creates a hole that is never filled.
Each has been and will be difficult, and I know that some will shatter me. For example, the passing of Brian Wilson today at the age of 82 cuts really fucking deep. I’m going to try to put this piece together, and I don’t promise anything actually comprehensible, but here goes…
I don’t recall at what age I discovered Pet Sounds but it started a journey of discovery and wonder, and fostered in me a whole new appreciation of music and the creative process. Here was music unlike anything else that had come before it, created by a visionary who pushed the envelope of what The Beach Boys were to new limits, beautiful harmonies and gorgeous melodies, personal lyrics and themes that he refused to compromise on.
Like many, I grew up with my knowledge of The Beach Boys being limited to the surfing songs, and as good as they were, nothing could have prepared me for Pet Sounds. Just a triumph of songwriting and production. I recall reading stories about Brian in the studio, trying to get the music that he had created in his head, out and on to tape. Fighting with the rest of the band trying to convince them to move forward with these ideas when they were scared to give up the good time summer songs.
The story of Brian’s drug use and mental illness are well documented, as is the abuse he received from his father. I think we might use the term “tortured genius” a bit more freely than we should sometimes, but if it was ever appropriate, it was for Brian.
In my childhood days, Brian was almost a mystical figure with a history of creative greatness but an uncertain present and future. I think one of the most memorable moments was the “Failure to Surf” citation he received from Aykroyd and Belushi in 1976 although I imagine I saw this much later.
In 1988 Brian released his first solo album, the eponymously named Brian Wilson. I was glad to see him creating and releasing new music, although in hindsight the influence of his psychologist Eugene Landy was troubling.
When 1998’s Imagination was released, I sat in line for a few hours to attend a record signing downtown (I was 2nd behind probably the biggest Brian Wilson fan ever) and got to have him sign some things for me. It was very cool but also sad, he wasn’t really interacting or acknowledging us, just sort of mechanically signing.
I had the pleasure of seeing Brian perform a few times as he returned to the stage. His Pet Sounds shows with The Wondermints were just great and a pretty intimate show we got to attend in St. Charles was a joy. I was never really sure how much of Brian was there in those shows though, and it seemed that he was often the target of those looking to control or influence him.
When he released Brian Wilson Presents Smile in 1994 I was thrilled to see the troubled and fabled work finally see the light of day. I highly recommend the film Beautiful Dreamer: Brian Wilson and the Story of Smile if you haven’t seen it. One of my favorite twitter moments was an interaction with Van Dyke Parks who Brian had collaborated with on this album.
Brian’s life continued to be plagued by lawsuits and other challenges but he and his wife of almost 30 years, Melinda, adopted many children prior to her passing in 2024. I don’t know if Brian was capable of being happy but I always hoped that he was. Rest in Peace Brian Wilson – you have earned it.
One of my favorite songs of Brian’s is from Pet Sounds. “I Just Wasn’t Made For These Times” is so personal and has always resonated with me very deeply. As someone who has also felt disconnected from others and distant from society in general due to lingering effects of childhood trauma, I feel this in my soul when he sings it.
I keep looking for a place to fit in where I can speak my mind
I’ve been trying hard to find the people that I won’t leave behind
They say I got brains, but they ain’t doing me no good
I wish they could
Each time things start to happen again
I think I got something good goin’ for myself
But what goes wrong?
Sometimes I feel very sad
Sometimes I feel very sad
Sometimes I feel very sad
I guess I just wasn’t made for these times
Every time I get the inspiration to go change things around
No one wants to help me look for places where new things might be found
Where can I turn when my fair weather friends cop out, what’s it all about?
Each time things start to happen again
I think I got something good goin’ for myself
But what goes wrong?
Sometimes I feel very sad
Sometimes I feel very sad
(can’t find nothin’ I can put my heart and soul into)
Sometimes I feel very sad
(can’t find nothin’ I can put my heart and soul into)
I guess I just wasn’t made for these times
I guess I just wasn’t made for these times
I guess I just wasn’t made for these times
I guess I just wasn’t made for these times
I guess I just wasn’t made for these times
I guess I just wasn’t made for these times
I guess I just wasn’t made for these times
Your thoughts?